


Violations

by hunterinabrowncoat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 12:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13481133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunterinabrowncoat/pseuds/hunterinabrowncoat
Summary: Now that they have the Bunker, the Winchester brothers have no use for a storage locker, and a sort-out ensues. But there are some dark secrets about Sam's time at Stanford buried amongst all those papers and old books…(Written because I got very angry with the writers for continually writing rape metaphors and then having Dean act as though they're no big deal).





	Violations

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings: implied historical rape, discussions of violation.

“Dude… how do we even  _have_  this much junk?!” Dean asked, pulling out a bunch of old papers from a large cardboard box as dust flew everywhere.

Sam smiled vaguely and shrugged.

“What even are these?” Dean mumbled, rummaging though the sheets of paper, greyed with dust and dirt. “Oh – Stanford thingys!” he realised, replacing them in the box and tossing it to Sam.

Since they’d up and left everything for life on the road, some storage space had been needed. A storage locker in Uma, Arizona had served them perfectly well, but now that they had the Bunker, and enough space for all their things, a sort out had been a long time coming.

“There’s  _years_  of junk in here…” Dean said absent mindedly as he looked around, rummaging through boxes and picking up bits and pieces, only to put them down again moments later.

Sam, who was sorting through the papers Dean had handed him, stopped listening as something at the bottom of the box caught his eye.

He reached down and felt a pang of angst as his fingers curled around a small ring. Dean turned to ask something, but stopped when his eyes fell on Sam, who was staring at an engagement ring with glassy eyes.

There was silence for several moments, before Dean moved closer and remarked quietly. “I didn’t realise you’d actually bought it…”

Sam nodded, clearing his throat as he pocketed it. “Yeah, uh, I kept it in my jacket pocket for days... I never even thought about it when I asked Brady to move everything that wasn’t damaged in the fire here.”

Silence again.

“What other secrets you got buried in here?” Dean eventually asked, attempting to lighten the mood somewhat.

Sam didn’t really protest as Dean began rummaging through his papers again, mumbling as he scanned each page. He just sat, watching his brother disinterestedly, trying not to let his mind wander, tempted by the seduction of nostalgia.

“Woah… you got 174 on your LSAT?” Dean grunted. “ _Damn_.”

Again, a vague smile tugged at the corner of Sam’s mouth, as Dean continued to make remarks, wading through the wad of official papers and revision notes.

“Wait, what’s this? Mr Winchester, due to…” his voice trailed off as he mumbled through the legal jargon. “Your presence required in court.  _Sam!_ You sly dog, I-” Dean stopped short.

Suddenly realising what Dean was holding, Sam felt his heart stop in his chest. He looked down and sighed heavily as he saw the letter Dean was holding.

“Sam…” Dean breathed, disbelieving and afraid. He smiled nervously, unable to comprehend what he’d just read, praying it was some kind of sick prank Sam’s friends had played. He could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage as his eyes frantically searched the letter again for some way to undo the truth.

“Dean…” Sam began, but found words failed him. What was there to say?

Dean could feel tears prickling his eyes and he felt ill. How could he not know about this? Why hadn’t Sam called him?!

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean asked, looking up at his little brother, horrified. “You never said anything… why didn’t you say anything?”

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know, Dean. What was there to say?”

“Oh, I don’t know! That you got raped while you were in college!” Dean raised his voice, but it broke before he’d even finished the sentence; desperate and confused.

Sam swallowed hard. “And what was I supposed to say Dean? You were the one who broke off contact with  _me_ , remember? You were the one who said that when I left, I’d  _‘abandoned the family’_ and had to go it alone.”

Dean shut his gaping mouth as he searched for something to say. “Sam, brother… if I’d… look, I  _never_ meant that-”

“Well it doesn’t really matter what you meant, Dean.“ Sam cut him off, sounding tired. "It happened. It’s over. It was a long time ago. Just… let it go.”

“Let it go?” Dean’s words were practically inaudible, fighting to get past the lump in his throat. “Sam… I can’t just… this isn’t something you just  _'get over’!_ I mean, you could have said something when I came to get you, when were were searching for dad…”

Sam huffed. “Come on, Dean… it’s not like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. There were more pressing issues at the time. Dad was missing, Jess had just died. It was the first time I’d seen you in  _years_! I guess, I don’t know… in the grand scheme of things, it just wasn’t that important.”

“Somebody  _violated_ you Sam! He-” Dean stopped, biting back his words in a desperate attempt not to shout. But before he could open his mouth to say anything else, Sam interrupted.

“ _Which time_?”

Dean’s expression faltered and he fell silent.

Sam continued, defiantly. “What? It’s not like it’s the first or the last time somebody violated me, Dean. I mean… putting  _demon blood_ in my mouth when I was a baby?  _Possession_? Meg? Lucifer? -” he stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath to calm himself before he added, through gritted teeth, “ _Gadreel_?”

Dean looked at his brother in painful shock, unable to do or think anything.

Sam sighed. Rubbing his eyes, he continued with resign. “It was a big deal at the time. I felt dirty. I felt… well I felt a lot of things. But Jess helped me through it. I had friends. But trust me, Dean…  _that_? That was the least of any of those times I’ve been violated.

“It was horrible and painful and I wished it hadn’t happened. But feeling your brother’s bones break beneath your fists? Watching a good friend die right in front of you, by your hand, when you can’t do a damn thing to stop it? That’s… it doesn’t compare, Dean. Not even close.”


End file.
